From: email@example.com (Jasper O'Malley)
Subject: Caffeine Trips and other such niceties
Date: 17 Feb 1995 14:08:47 -0500
"And he opened the seventh seal..."
Just thought you guys be interested in a little bit of excitement that came
my way last night...
After drinking an entire pot of coffee in less than an hour, around 4 AM this
morning I became completely and utterly convinced that the world was going to
end at exactly 6:11 AM this morning, just before first light. I'm not making
this up. I completely lost my shit in a way that I have never lost it
I was so freaked out, I wanted to die. Not to kill myself, just
die. I had absolutely no desire to write, speak, eat, blow my nose, kiss,
think or be in general...I wanted to die and I was convinced that when the
world did end in a blaze of hellfire, I was gonna be judged by the
Lord Almighty and burn for eternity. I wrote four pages about it in
my journal as I was hip deep in the shitpool that was a stimulant
overdose induced, acute manic/paranoiac attack that triggered some
sort of neoclassical, metaphysical, socio-religious and philosophical
Needless to say this sucked real bad, and I didn't real start to come
down off this until around 5 in the morning. This particularly blew
'cos I had two labs to finish by today (already late...I only ended up
getting one done), and I didn't feel a hell of a lot of incentive to
expound on the vibrational-rotational modes of carbon dioxide
molecules being that the world was going to come to a screeching halt
and I was hurtling toward that inevitable eternity of suffering and
agony reserved for unrepentant pagans and unbelievers like m'self...
I fully snapped out of it at 6:20 and now my stomach feels like I
swallowed a pound of Drain-O and pixie stick cocktails...
If anyone ever tells you caffeine is not a psychoactive drug when
taken in significantly large quantities, spit on their nose. And if
you find the bastard that sprinkled LSD on my French Roast, cut out